Surprising Things Your Health Insurance Will Not Cover

While most cancer treatments are at least partially covered, surgery to graft a tumor to one or more organs will almost always be out of pocket.

Insurance companies firmly believe that they cannot and shall not undo God’s will.

Okay, actually, the insurance company has a point here.

Most insurance companies won’t cover a bionic flamethrower limb attachment unless deemed a medical necessity by your primary provider.

No harm in asking them repeatedly to cover it.

Nothing soothes the weary soul like an escape to the southeastern corner of mainland Massachusetts, but alas, such expenses will need to be paid out of pocket.

It’s free to read in the waiting room but if you want to enjoy it in the comfort of your own home, it’s going to cost you.

Contrary to popular opinion, guns are not healthcare.

Liability for all injuries sustained by members of the Jackass crew lies with Dick House Productions.

Commemorating your noble battle against cancer can cost thousands, and you can’t count on your insurance to assist you.

Insurance companies are required to cover fertility tests, pregnancy, and childbirth, but this coverage does not apply to those who were impregnated with Satan’s seed.

Even though a great big bowl of Nana’s chicken noodle is what you need, insurance will not cover the out-of-pocket cost of $13,988.27.

Specialists are out of network.

Think how beautiful you would be if only insurance would cover this lotion that rubs the ugly away.

Even those few states that do mandate fertility treatment coverage require a meeting with a counselor who will shame you for putting off kids until you are in your 40s.

The second of the two babies to emerge from their mother is considered an out-of-network expense and must be paid for in cash.

It may be the only way to redeem the soul of your innocent child, but it’s still considered a purely cosmetic procedure.

Many people are relegated to riding on the roof, in which case your insurance will likely pay half.

Most insurance companies will try to give you some excuse for why they won’t cover the procedure like, “It doesn’t exist.”

They pay for the bones on the inside. Outside Bones? That’s your problem.

Health insurance companies don’t really feel like covering this anymore.

The bedrock of medical care in most advanced nations, most insurances only cover the fees for waiting in the waiting room of the doctors office.